So, I’m a little nuts. It’s midnight and I have to travel at 3:50 AM.
Yeah. I said I was nuts.
I’d sleep if I could, but it just isn’t coming. Too many nights staying up until 2 AM this week I guess. I wish I could say I did something productive with the extra time, but that’s just not true. I played video games.
I tried to figure out where this urge to while away my hours with mind numbing activity came from, which is another pastime that eats up the day. Success is not, in this case, its own reward. But, success it was none-the-less.
Short answer: I’m processing. ‘Processing what?’ you might ask. Good question.
I think I’m letting a part of my brain adapt itself to a new mode of thinking. This actually happens a good bit when I’m under constant pressure. Pressure is a molding force: it warps a given shape into a new shape, usually along the lines of the force that is applied. You can mold clay, you can mold plastic, and you can mold a person. Maybe ‘training’ would be a better word, but I’ve got a metaphor and I’m not afraid to use it!
With the many forces shaping me, I’ve had to actively train my thought process to adapt. What I’m processing now is actually more ‘absorption’ than anything else. The clay has largely been molded to its new shape and now it’s settling. Instead of straining to hold the old form, the clay is beginning to rest in the new shape.
So, I needed to turn my brain off for a while in order to begin accepting on an unconscious level what I’ve been choosing on a conscious level. This is very important to me since I do the majority of my conceptual thinking on intuitive levels of consciousness. The re-working/settling requires a kind of mental and personal exhaustion that I tend to gain from non-human interaction. A.k.a. video games.
Well, gotta get up in oh, an hour. Verbal finger painting on the Internet. Love it.
