The Stage
I was talking to a friend the other day, catching up and what not, when I said something off-hand that made me pause. I told this friend that I had turned my life upside down in the last month – which is true in a lot of ways:
I now go north to find large bodies of water. Rooms in my house are on top of each other rather than beside. I switched from being a director to a student. I put aside grand schemes of revolution for an attitude of acceptance and learning.
Off-hand comments, are of course most dangerous when they articulate the brewing, unconscious themes of life. I didn’t realize until that moment that I had upended a great many of the constants in my life. I simply thought I was entering into a new season, adding on to the old.
Addition is still occurring, I haven’t abandoned all the previous years of my life in one fell swoop. But what is happening is a sort of death and resurrection process.
The Process
A lot of what has been upended lately has been my particular struggle betweenNeed and Want. Let me elaborate.
While I think it is a great thing to be needed, I am finding that it is a greater thing to be wanted. Transitioning from one to the other is a somewhat traumatic experience, however.
Need forces a person to play Atlas – to shoulder the world and balance it on your shoulders. I am used to being an Atlas, but not because I really wanted to. Some people enjoy maintaining things, but I like to see a further goal. The reason I have been so willing to play at Atlas was because I would always see the step beyond the status quo; the step where existence turns into purpose.
The trouble with playing at Atlas is that it is impossible. You are either carrying the world, or you aren’t. In becoming a central pillar in everything I did, I continually took out my ability to move forward. I became a juggling Atlas with lots of great things that were constantly falling apart if I removed myself from them.
It’s been a long process learning to recognize that trait and to move into a different role.
The Result(ing Process)
I have allowed myself to need a great many things: a sense of purpose, respect, community, etc. But what I have never allowed myself to want or to be wanted. If somebody wanted me, I very quickly altered that desire into a need -a.k.a. they needed me to fill a role.
What that does is crush any freedom that might be present. Everything is burden to be borne, not an opportunity to be seized. I become Atlas once again.
So, I have finally begun to make the switch. The first step was getting into something (and somewhere) that didn’t need me. I can contribute and play a part, but I can’t even begin the process of becoming Atlas because that role is already filled.
Withdrawing from a central role to a supporting one has allowed me to begin the process of working toward that next step. I can begin to manipulate the world as carried by Atlas. I can help get things straightened up, I can nudge the world from one place to the next, all sorts of things.
It’s counter-intuitive for me to think of a ‘mover and shaker’ in the world as someone with a light touch and small presence. I have assumed all my life that greatness requires the ability to enforce your will upon the world; that I had to have a grand vision and then hoist it above everything else in order to be seen.
The Counter-Atlas
It is a great freedom to be able to move without the weight of personal responsibility on my shoulders. This isn’t to say that I’m not responsible anymore, it’s just that my responsibilities are no longer things that are necessities. I can fulfill obligations and help push things along without the need to constantly re-balance the entire equation because I am part of the balance, not the fulcrum.
It’s complete reverse from the way I’ve worked for most of my life. It’s a freedom to move without the great burden of an entire system weighing down on my back.
The trick is taking that first leap of faith…
Chad takes a look at movements in the arts from a cyclical perspective. Specifically, he uses a ‘redemption cycle’ analogy that compares the philosophical underpinnings of art and culture to other cycles in man’s history. His view is that we are going to see a change in these areas that amounts to ‘putting the pieces back together’.
So, what does this have to do with Chad’s ideas? Simple. Chad puts forth the option of redemption vs ruin. In a way unlike the Romans, we have the opportunity to put our ‘broken vase’ of postmodernism back together. This is not to say that we will recreate a classical ideal. However, we can create a new set of standards that address the shortcomings of postmodern assumptions.
The challenge I want to lay down is to forge ahead. The problems are too easily seen to be ignored, and postmodernism has given us an enormous boon for the next step: research.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to the Metro New York YWAM (Youth With A Mission) base on Long Island. I have several friends who currently work there and I had a great time catching up with them.