Crash! (There goes the master plan)

The Stage

CurtainsI was talking to a friend the other day, catching up and what not, when I said something off-hand that made me pause. I told this friend that I had turned my life upside down in the last month – which is true in a lot of ways:

I now go north to find large bodies of water. Rooms in my house are on top of each other rather than beside. I switched from being a director to a student. I put aside grand schemes of revolution for an attitude of acceptance and learning.

Off-hand comments, are of course most dangerous when they articulate the brewing, unconscious themes of life. I didn’t realize until that moment that I had upended a great many of the constants in my life. I simply thought I was entering into a new season, adding on to the old.

Addition is still occurring, I haven’t abandoned all the previous years of my life in one fell swoop. But what is happening is a sort of death and resurrection process.

The Process

A lot of what has been upended lately has been my particular struggle betweenNeed and Want. Let me elaborate.

While I think it is a great thing to be needed, I am finding that it is a greater thing to be wanted. Transitioning from one to the other is a somewhat traumatic experience, however.

Atlas FigurineNeed forces a person to play Atlas – to shoulder the world and balance it on your shoulders. I am used to being an Atlas, but not because I really wanted to. Some people enjoy maintaining things, but I like to see a further goal. The reason I have been so willing to play at Atlas was because I would always see the step beyond the status quo; the step where existence turns into purpose.

The trouble with playing at Atlas is that it is impossible. You are either carrying the world, or you aren’t. In becoming a central pillar in everything I did, I continually took out my ability to move forward. I became a juggling Atlas with lots of great things that were constantly falling apart if I removed myself from them.

It’s been a long process learning to recognize that trait and to move into a different role.

The Result(ing Process)

I have allowed myself to need a great many things: a sense of purpose, respect, community, etc. But what I have never allowed myself to want or to be wanted. If somebody wanted me, I very quickly altered that desire into a need -a.k.a. they needed me to fill a role.

What that does is crush any freedom that might be present. Everything is burden to be borne, not an opportunity to be seized. I become Atlas once again.

So, I have finally begun to make the switch. The first step was getting into something (and somewhere) that didn’t need me. I can contribute and play a part, but I can’t even begin the process of becoming Atlas because that role is already filled.

Withdrawing from a central role to a supporting one has allowed me to begin the process of working toward that next step. I can begin to manipulate the world as carried by Atlas. I can help get things straightened up, I can nudge the world from one place to the next, all sorts of things.

It’s counter-intuitive for me to think of a ‘mover and shaker’ in the world as someone with a light touch and small presence. I have assumed all my life that greatness requires the ability to enforce your will upon the world; that I had to have a grand vision and then hoist it above everything else in order to be seen.

The Counter-Atlas

Balance Beam LeapIt is a great freedom to be able to move without the weight of personal responsibility on my shoulders. This isn’t to say that I’m not responsible anymore, it’s just that my responsibilities are no longer things that are necessities. I can fulfill obligations and help push things along without the need to constantly re-balance the entire equation because I am part of the balance, not the fulcrum.

It’s complete reverse from the way I’ve worked for most of my life. It’s a freedom to move without the great burden of an entire system weighing down on my back.

The trick is taking that first leap of faith…

Glued Together on Common Ground

I just finished reading an excellent post by Chad Miller about the future of the arts. Chad and I have had many conversations regarding this subject before and I believe he has set the stage for some excellent thoughts on the subject.

The Cyclic Viewpoint

nautiluscutawayspiral.jpgChad takes a look at movements in the arts from a cyclical perspective. Specifically, he uses a ‘redemption cycle’ analogy that compares the philosophical underpinnings of art and culture to other cycles in man’s history. His view is that we are going to see a change in these areas that amounts to ‘putting the pieces back together’.

Adding to what Chad has already put forth, I would like to point out that the cycle he mentions is not without precedent. Although we are in a ‘postmodern’ world currently, similar views have been held by previous cultures – most notably the Romans. One has only to compare the mechanics behind ‘American Idol’ the gladiator arenas to see how similar our two civilizations are.

The fact that a thousand years separates the Roman existentialism from the modern version should clue us in to the fact that there must be a change following. Unfortunately for us, the change for the Romans was the decline of their civilization and the wild Middle Ages.

A Different Outcome

While I don’t think it is possible for a second period of the ‘Dark Ages’ to occur today, I do see the potential for our culture’s ruin. Again historical similarities point out the corollary between the Germanic tribes to the radical Islamists.

roman-coliseum_.jpgSo, what does this have to do with Chad’s ideas? Simple. Chad puts forth the option of redemption vs ruin. In a way unlike the Romans, we have the opportunity to put our ‘broken vase’ of postmodernism back together. This is not to say that we will recreate a classical ideal. However, we can create a new set of standards that address the shortcomings of postmodern assumptions.

The Challenge

Horizon FlareThe challenge I want to lay down is to forge ahead. The problems are too easily seen to be ignored, and postmodernism has given us an enormous boon for the next step: research.

We can view postmodernists’ work as a huge archive of experience and knowledge – they tried almost everything. Some of it worked, some didn’t but all of it can inform our construction of the next step. I don’t pretend to know what that next step will be, but I can say we have taken the preliminary steps toward this ‘fusion’ of postmodern discoveries.

The trick is to build that step one person at a time. Each individual, whether they are aware of their postmodern heritage or not, is capable of finding common ground – empathy if nothing else. My personal art form is built upon creating hybrid techniques, and I am not a singular example of cross-training.

So find that common ground. How can you glue people together?

In a cloud far, far away…

This is just hysterical

Darth Vader Balloon

This brings a new perspective to the whole Star Wars phenomenon. We can construe this balloon to be a social commentary on Star Wars, while at the same time promoting enjoyment. I see Star Wars as an experience providing momentary joys through fantasy and geekiness. However, internally I always remember that this happiness is only skin-deep and that ultimately Star Wars is full of nothing but empty rhetoric… or hot air.

Take take that Lucas! I only memorized half of the Expanded Universe content!

Old Friends, New Eyes

New EyesThis past weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to the Metro New York YWAM (Youth With A Mission) base on Long Island. I have several friends who currently work there and I had a great time catching up with them.

The funny thing about the whole situation was the perspective switch that we went through. It’s not as if we were completely different people who had to re-work our relationship, but I could tell there was a subtle dynamic shift.

For several months now I have been straining to make the transition from a “student of art” to “professional artist”. That may seem simple, but the switch is impossible for about 90% of my peers (how many BFA’s work at Starbucks?). After living through the last year, I can very easily see why. I found it’s not so much the hectic times that kill the dreams, it’s the dead zones in between that stymie us the most. It’s a hard road to travel but I think I’m beginning to turn the corner.

I’ve loved the few weeks I’ve been working with PUSH. If there’s one thing I have been challenged by more than anything else, it’s the lifestyle choices they make. I have learned so much by just watching these people work. I came out of school with a great many ideas about how the professional artist works – great ideas with no connection to daily activities. It was a painful and slow process learning about that gap.

Now I get to see the actions up close. For example: grant-writing was always a concept that made sense to me, but was out of reach in practical sense. I had no idea what process was used to get from zero to step one. Today, I not only got to sit in on a first contact meeting, but I am also getting advice and supervision as I write the grant in question.

There are so many things constantly ‘popping’. Mostly, they’re little things like a reaction or word choice, but they make all the difference. I can see so much of what I needed to learn occurring right in front of me every day. It’s these actions that separates the “student” from the “professional”. In short, a lifestyle of choices.

The challenge before me is to absorb this lifestyle. I believe this is already happening – in large part because I made a conscious choice to leave what I had and work with PUSH. I think this is what made my old friendships seem a little different. It’s still me that people see, but choices have been made, attitudes have changed, and the person has grown. New eyes taking a look at old friendships and vice versa.

Doh! (A week late)

So, I have finally managed to finish a post for the first time in a week. I have sat down multiple times to work on either news updates or thoughts that I’d like to share. Unfortunately, I have been slammed with things to do for the past two weeks that kept me hopping from point to point before I could finish anything.

So, I have thrown out my previous drafts in favor of this current one (to give an example, one blog title was going to be ‘Oww…’).

PUSH has been going well. We’ve been hitting our workouts extremely hard because PUSH has an unusually busy schedule for this time of year. In fact, I’ll be heading out of town with Darren and Topher this Thursday for four days. Needless to say, I’m having trouble learning choreography when shows keep taking the place of class.

I have finally moved into a house in Rochester – meaning I have an address to send stuff to, finally. I live with thee other guys, one of whom is the landlord. Most are grad students, but I don’t hold that against them in any way. It’s a bachelor house in all the glory that entails, meaning home-brewed beer and odd appliance arrangements among other things. I’m enjoying it. My only complaints so far are it’s kinda noisy outside at night and it’s kind of removed from all the other PUSH folks.

Well, that’s the news. I’ll be posting a little bit more often as things settle down into a routine up here.